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My 25 Year Love/Learning Relationship Thrives after 9 Month Separation by Tammy Dunlap

Today I want to share the third story on marriage restoration this month with you all. So far, you've read about my own personal testimony, as well as the testimony of Traci Rhoades' friend with her marriage. Today we're reading Tammy Dunlap's story. You might remember Tammy from the blogger interview we had with her a couple of weeks ago (if you missed it, read it here), well today we get to read how about God restored her marriage after 9 months of separation!


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Hi!  I am Tammy, from the Grandma Mary Martha blog, where creativity, kindness (funshine) sunshine, and Sonshine are served.  I am a wife, mother, grandmother, 25 years into my love/learning relationship with my husband who is father of my children.  8 years ago, we were separated and expecting divorce.

In America, when women get married, commonly into those vows, hopes, expectations, dreams, and BAGGAGE are brought.  Actually the husband and wife both do this to some degree, but women perhaps, more so.

A quote that I read about 35 years ago, and still remember:
"Women are the ones that want to get married the most, but it is men who are the most happy."

Girls, I hate to break it to you, but most men are ridiculously simple.  Dare I ask your men what the top five things (or even top three things) are that you could do to MOST PLEASE them, is, and DO IT, and it could revolutionize your marriage.  You could easily guess a few of the TOP requests, and don't underestimate the power of pleasing your man....

Early in my marriage I was NOT a stellar wife, but interestingly I did not know this until AFTER marriage, children, separation, and reconciliation.  Over TIME, God revealed to me that in some areas I ranked "needs improvement."  For the first 14 years I tried to do it my way.  I tried to make my dream(s) come true.  I was a good mother, but I put my hopes and dreams above my husband's, and he had his own set of weaknesses and flaws as well...

When I recognized that we were living out behaviors and dysfunction (in our marriage) that I would never want to watch my children live in as adults, then, we separated.  I knew it was my responsibility to MODEL functional, desirable living for my children, and together my husband and I were failing.  We were hurting.  The children were hurting.

Did any of us want to go through the tragedy of separation and the stress it brings, the hurt , the fear, the hardship?  No.  Was it fun?  Absolutely not!

I wish it was not part of my story, but it is.  I will comment here, that we actually had tried marital counseling twice before, and I had read lots of marriage enrichment books.......and there is a reason (another story) to explain why I by-passed  marital counseling this time.  I do recommend counseling, if the counselor is a Christian.

How did it end well, for my family, when for many people separation is the beginning of the end?

Why?  I can not explain except to say His mercy, grace, and blessing.

We had, each exerted certain wisdom.  Neither of us aimed REVENGE-INVOLVING ANOTHER PARTY (dating someone else.)

I did read my Bible desperately.


I had not even HOPE or COURAGE to pray and ask for healing, but I read my BIBLE.  My husband prayed.  I do not know if he read his Bible. We had NO extra-marital affairs....

After 9 months of marital separation, over the course of the last two weeks  of our desperate state, GOD HEALED MY HEART miraculously.  I have no understanding in the flesh of what brought the healing.  To me it was a miracle from God.

When finally, over the two week period, my heart was healed, when my husband was visiting the children, I told him, "God has healed my heart, and I have HOPE for a new beginning."

My husband hugged me and smiled.

We negotiated expectations and standards that we believed would help us be more successful and I can tell you that believe it or not the 7 years since, have been the best in my marriage...

With God in the picture, there is always HOPE.

Today,
My husband,
and his dreams,
       Preferences
            Opinions
           Desires

Have risen in my value system

Mine have grown more secondary to me,
Yet I feel he acquiesces to MY dreams
                                     Preferences
                                      Opinions
                                       Desires
More often

Pretty cool huh?

With God, there is always hope for growth, improvement, restoration, healing, and we get our ultimate healing in Heaven.


Thank you for letting me share.

My blog: Grandma Mary Martha https://grandmamarymartha.blogspot.com

I have a blast connecting and encouraging women in a few closed facebook groups called:

Encouraging Entourage (where healthy body, mind and soul is our goal, and nutrition and fitness is encouraged)

Empty Nest and Beyond (where some of us empty nesters meet)

Titus Women's Club (where women of all ages and life stages are welcomed to show-up, share and care)

In all of these groups we welcome new members.
God bless you ladies, and thank you  beautiful Cynthia for allowing me to share with your readers.

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